17 Oct Love or Obsession
In our society, we tend to give a name to almost every experience we go through, and romantic obsession is no exception. It is known as limerence and describes a state of romantic and emotional attraction marked by intrusive thoughts about the person you like, along with a constant need to please them and gain their approval.
When limerence is present, it is common to idealise someone, even when you do not really know them yet. The person may seem exceptional and occupy a large part of your thoughts. However, the focus is not necessarily on building a healthy connection, but rather on the emotional need that the relationship seems to fulfil. It may also be linked to the activation of the attachment system and the fear of losing the other person. One important difference is that healthy love is built between two whole individuals who choose to share their lives, rather than between two halves who feel they need each other in order to cope.
With limerence, your identity can start to revolve around the relationship. Your mood may depend too much on what the other person does or does not do: when they come closer, you feel euphoric; when they pull away, everything can feel unstable. Recognising these signs can be a first step towards asking yourself whether you are building a relationship based on love, the desire to share and freedom, or on need and the fear of losing the other person.
